Laugh. Cry. Learn. Repeat

Do Yourself A Favor

Smile at a stranger
And at yourself- once a day
Take a yoga class
And a vacation alone
Be a vegetarian for a week
Buy yourself something you cannot afford
Lose something that you love and get over it
Take a photo at least once a day
Learn to meditate and breath properly
Befriend foreigners
Drink Italian coffee
Eat nutella
Fall in love over and over again
Be single as an adult for a while
Travel alone
Keep a journal
Lose a journal
Get robbed
Deal with it
Accept that you have few friends
Embrace the ones you have
Find a spiritual teacher
Take care of your back
And your skin
Splurge
And save too
Work towards a goal
Accomplish it
And let it go
Congratulate yourself
Tell people you love them
Hug a lot
Face your fears
When scared, start counting to ten
Tell yourself that you must do “insert fear” by ten
Remember, if you can you must
And if you must you can ( stolen from Bikram)
And when you get over one fear
Find a new one and start again
Sing
And dance
Laugh
Believe in yourself
And remember to take care of yourself
And be selfish
Because the world won’t take care of you
That is up to you
So eat organic food
Drink plenty of wine
And water
And sweat it out with Bikram Yoga
And a lot of laughter
And tears
Embrace your emotions
Let your heart and intuition build the structure of your life
Let the mind handle all of the details
Then you will fully live
Live fully every day
Breath deeply
Breath even deeper
Right now
And release
And feel that energy surround you
Swim in it
Float in it
Smile at it
And let it go
And remember to share it
And always say thank you
Maybe even in a few different languages
Learn a few of your favorites
But start with one
The one that makes you smile
Support an artist or musician
And a charity
Buy books
And visit the library too
Learn to take a compliment
And give a genuine one
Let go of anger
And high expectations
And remember that people are a mirror of you
Embrace doing absolutely nothing
It is the hardest thing in the world
Wear scarfs
And hats
Run really fast
Go into a sauna
And then jump into a cold pool
Fight with your best friend
Make up
And apologize first
Give many gifts
Do not expect anything in return
Buy a post card everywhere you visit
Look at the clouds
And the stars
Stars stars stars
Get lost in music
Really learn to enjoy food
And cats
And dogs
Be nice to bugs and bees
They will not bite
Listen to the voice inside
It is in there for a reason
It is your inner universe
Telling you your truth
Do not run away from it
And lie to yourself
It is a meaningless pursuit
Because the truth will always catch up with you
Read a book of poetry in a foreign language
Listen to music in a foreign language
I suggest German
Italian and Swedish will work too
And go to India
And try camel pose
And hold it for over a minute
Talk to a stranger at the airport
Offer to help a tourist find his way
Go to Roma and throw a coin into the Trevi Fountain
And just walk around
Because in Roma somehow life makes sense
Somehow
And I do not know why or how
And I do not care
I just appreciate it
So be totally unrealistic
And remember to say no to aspartame
As my yoga teacher says : better to do a line of coke than drink a diet coke.
Oh yea, and only eat natural salt ( it is pink or grey)
Because why would we want to harm our bodies with chemicals
When there is so much more life to live?

I wrote this a few years ago while traveling and I read it to myself and think about it all the time. Despite all of the life that I have lived since I first wrote this, I still agree with every word and today felt like a day to re-introduce it to the universe…

love.

I am in  love with the idea of love.  I am also  most certainly sure that I have yet to figure out the meaning  of the word.

I desire  to spend my life romancing the world and falling in love, and I’m thinking that it  might be important to  actually figure out what all this love stuff actually means.

I used to watch Sex And The City every week along with millions of women and men who were all trying to figure out the same thing. I’m not sure what the exact question was, but I can most certainly say that it has to do with love.

We are all looking for love. We want to love our lives, our jobs, our homes, our friends and lovers and of course, ourselves.

Even as I write this I find it a bit ironic  that I waited  till the end of my previous paragraph to put the “ourselves” into the mix.

I am taken aback by my own approach and must call myself out.

 I thought about the part about loving myself first but then my internal editor chimed in and said “wait, that makes you seem conceded?!” Initially, I decided not to argue with that voice inside my head, but as the words started to come out and I finished the paragraph, it bothered me that the loving me part came last.

Re-write  ( there might not be do over’s in life, but there are in blogging, so here goes again) :

We are all looking for love. We want to love ourselves, we want to love our lives, our jobs, our homes, our friends and lovers and of course, if we start with loving ourselves, everything else  falls into place like a beautiful domino effect. BAM! I feel better about that.

So how do we truly find a way to love ourselves?

Lao Tzu comes to mind : “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while  loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

I’m pretty sure this quote has to do with love between you and someone else, but just run with me here…

 I’d like to explore what happens if you applied these wise words to just you!

What if the way to become truly courageous is to fully and wholeheartedly love and accept yourself, all faults included?

And what if the way to be stronger every single day is to fully, deeply and with all your heart know that you’re fully loved and not by your crush, boyfriend, husband, coworker or friend, but by the one and only you?

I bet it would be glorious.  In fact, a few months ago I was thinking about how glorious this might feel. I found myself sitting alone on my couch and realizing that I wanted so much to be in love with myself again because after a long time spent loving a variety of someones, I kind of forgot about me…

Whoops.

But see, loving others is fun too. Loving others is so much of what life is all about and I am in no way preaching not loving others. What I am trying to say, and what I am in the process of learning is that when you really love yourself,  it suddenly becomes not only easier to love others, but it becomes so much more exciting. And what’s better than feeling excited??

Take a journey with me.

I am lying down and receiving a massage by a hippie masseuse in his garage. I have no idea how I ended up here, but it must have been fate. He was a friend of a friend and offered a free massage. YES. Happy. Thank You. More, please…

So I am lying there in this magic garage massage cave and there are crystals everywhere and a nice smelling incense and the masseuse asks me some questions about me, in a way that makes me feel like he already knows the answers ( which was both scary and exciting). I answered his questions and somehow we got to talking about love and self-love in particular. And then he said this:

“Every morning I look at myself in the mirror and I tell each and every part of my body how much I love it and why.”

This sounded a bit odd to me, but I tried to have an open mind. So I listened…

“ I think it is important to remind your body and your self not just that you love it , but why you love it and also , I think it’s important to do this every day.”

Sounded a bit cooky and weird and at the time I was still living with my boyfriend in a tiny studio, so that made it hard to find a private place to get undressed and tell my body how much I loved it, so I decided if I was to do this, I would do this in the shower. And so I started.

The first few times were weird, and then it became less weird, and then kind of ok and then nice and now… I smile when I adore my own self and remind myself that I love me and also why I love me. I smile at myself in the mirror and I tell myself what I love about myself that goes beyond the physical features. And when I smile, I smile like I mean it.

Do I love everything about my body? No

Do I love everything about my mind? Ha! No.

BUT, do I think that the step to loving it all, is to ACT AS IF, until you do. Yes, yes I do. And of course the fact that I know I have things to work on inspires me to keep working towards my best self!

It’s probably been about 6 months since I received the advice from my special massage man and I can say that I feel more love in my life both from myself and from others than I did before. I do not know if it has anything to do with me telling my knee cap that I love it in the shower, but I also do not know that it does not..

I try to keep an open mind about all which has to do with love, and if ever I get confused, I remember the last words ever spoken on Sex And The City:

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

:)

Anticipation

When I have something to look forward to, my whole life sparkles. I literally find myself dancing in the street and singing too. I imagine everything and anything about the fantasy in my mind. For me, anticipation is the greatest feeling in the world because at that stage, anything is possible and the billions of possibilities are like colorful sprinkles being poured all over the already delicious soft serve ice cream in my mind…

Anticipation could have it’s darker side. That’s where the expectation comes in. Anytime you anticipate something, there is a level of expectation involved. 

How will the trip go? Will the kiss be good? What will it mean? How will I feel? Where will that lead me? And it goes on and on…

And the thing is, we will never know the answer to any of these questions until we have actually lived and experienced everything to come. It is because there is no answer, that I have decided to fully and wholeheartedly enjoy everything leading up to the big or small event. Call it foreplay, call in anticipation, or call it life. Just enjoy it… 

I can think of some incredible experiences in my life that I have anticipated, and they pretty much all involve a trip and/or exploring something with someone special. Despite how much fun I ever had actually being involved in the activity, seeing a new place or being fully present in the moment with someone, I have also truly enjoyed the stage leading up to it. Sometimes, I enjoyed that stage even more than the final destination.

You’ve heard this quote before I am sure: It’s the journey, not the destination. I’m not sure if I agree. In my book, it’s a little bit of both. The journey is the destination because every day we have the privilege of living our lives fully, enjoying what we have and also exploring ourselves enough to figure out where we’d like to be.

I say, turn any kind of anxiety or nervousness you might feel about anything you anticipate (good or bad) into calmness by realizing that what will happen will happen, and if you have the right perspective, you can very well enjoy every stage of the journey right up until you arrive at your destination. And guess what? I would argue that if you are fully enjoying the ride, the destination you find is more exciting than anything you might have been anticipating in the first place.

EYE opener

Sometimes I ask, how can it be that just when you think you’ve lost something, you can’t imagine life without it?

What if you lost your vision? How would that feel?

This is the question that was running through my mind a few weeks ago as I was on the bathroom floor crying, praying and frantically splashing water into my eye. It was on that bathroom floor that I accepted the reality of having to live my life as a blind photographer.

As romantic as this idea sounded, it was the scariest thought I had ever had, and now, looking back with my vision still in tact, I see clearly the lesson that the universe taught me on that very eye opening Tuesday evening.

It was a night just like any other. A few friends hanging out, enjoying life, music, food and good company. Nothing was wrong, but something didn’t feel right and I could not quite put my finger on it. It was raining outside and I was cold as we took a walk. The rain bothered me that night and all I wanted to do was go inside and get warm. As soon as I walked into the house, I realized that my contact lens was bothering me. Maybe fixing that would fix my unexplanably weird mood?

So I went to the bathroom looking for contact solution. I spotted it almost instantly and after removing my contact from my eye, I took the solution and drowned my contact in it in my hand and proceeded to place it back into my eye. 

And that’s when I entered the scariest moment of my life. 

My face felt like it was on fire. Something was terribly wrong. I lost my vision in my eye and everything went white and hot and I knew that whatever I just put in my eye was not contact solution. I thew myself down to the sink and in a complete state of panic, started splashing water into my eye. After about a minute, nothing had changed and I grabbed the bottle of liquid that I thought was contact solution to see what I had poisoned myself with. 

It was hydrogen peroxide. 

When I realized what I had done, I felt my entire life flash before my eyes in pictures. You know how they say that right before you die you see your whole life flash before our eyes? Well, I saw it all. I saw my mom and my family, I saw Rome, I saw my friends and places I loved and every photo I had ever taken. I saw everything in a flash and all I could think was: I am going to be the blind photographer. 

All I could think about was how I wanted so badly to just see again. And so I fought even thought it burned and I did not know or even believe in that moment that the pain could stop. There I was on the floor, a complete emotional and physical mess frantically fighting to save my window to the world: my eye. 

After a long time, the pain started to subside and the fire died down. I left the bathroom, walked out of the house and told each one of my friends how much I loved them and why I appreciated them. I went outside and sat in and stared at the rain. It was the most beautiful rainfall I had ever seen. 

Maybe I needed a reminder to appreciate every single day that I get to see the beauty all around me?

It worked. 

Please remember to appreciate the gift of being able to see the world around you and do not wait for the kind of eye opening experience that I had to remind you of this. The clock is always ticking and every single moment, is a moment worth appreciating. 

Time

The most beautiful time, is the time that flies…

We’re laying there, in what we have decided to call “ The Portal”, which is actually a small part of my very old, very rustic and very scenic rooftop. I call this rooftop, “Roof Rock” because it has a rocky foundation. I am not sure who put those rocks up there, but since I like them, it doesn’t concern me.

While lying in the Portal, on this particular roof, in that particular spot, on this particular day and looking up at the particularly blue sky watching birds and airplanes, I started to think about something that I give a lot of thought to: the concept of time.

Oh, and if you are wondering why we have named this particular spot “The Portal”, well, just wait and you’ll find out. All I can say right now is that it all began with an airplane, that we think holds about 200 people.

The concept of time has always fascinated me. I mean, time is really the only thing that you cannot change. You attitude, your body, your mind, your location, your mood, your financial situation, your friends, family and really everything and anything else in this whole world, you, as the president of your own world, you can change it!

But with time…it’s different. Those moments that we want to hold on to forever, they still pass us by and honestly, this is really tough for me to deal with. I tend to really want to hold on to those times, memories and people who make me happy. I struggle with the concept of letting go. So the question I often ponder is: how do I move on and live my life while still holding on the beauty of the past and of course, of the present?

I think it comes down to figuring out how to understand and deal with the concept of time.

When I think of time, I think of Pink Floyd and of a million bells, watches and alarms going off at the beginning of the song  “ Time”, which is one of my favorites. That intro is so hectic, so loud, and so confusing that it’s really a tornado for the mind. Once the noise subsides and the songs begins, you start to hear a bit of reality and this line in particular has always paralyzed me: “ every year is getting shorter…never seem to find the time”

I can relate to this sentiment.

This is in fact typically my excuse for why I did not get something done. I just did not find the time!

I told a colleague of mine about this problem that I have and he looked at me with a bit of a crookedly sly smile and said, “ there is a difference between making time and finding time.”

And that’s the moment that I hit a proverbial wall.

This idea of making time vs. finding time literally blew my mind. Why had I not thought about that? I mean, there are those super humans who somehow manage to fit in living five lives into just one (the Oprahs and Bill Gates of the world) and I marvel at their will power and time management skills. There are people who accomplish their dreams with a cherry on top and somehow make it all work and well, I’m convinced: these are just the people with the best time management skills.

So how to become one of these super-humans, as I like to call them?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this question. How can I really be the super human version of myself who really manages my time and accomplishes everything I want (like opening up a guitar school in Hawaii where people from all over the world come to live on the beach and learn how to play Hotel California) while still finding plenty of time to relax?

Well, I think that lying in The Portal yesterday, I figured something out. I figured out that the most important thing of all is making time to sit back and watch as time passes you by. I realized that when I gave myself the time to just be there in the moment, I was that much more energized to get out there, and actually work on my goals and ultimately, my dreams.

Take a journey with me…

I was lying on Roof Rock with a friend, and it was silent. For someone who is constantly talking, thinking and then talking loudly about my thoughts, it is a sincere pleasure and gift to have moments of silence shared with friends. At first, I had so many things that I wanted to say. I felt like my thoughts scrolled through my mind like a strip of film and as I saw them pass by, I somehow did not feel compelled to release them into the world, which is what I typically do. I wanted to see how it would feel to just say nothing, and try out the concept of: less is more.

Well, after a few moments of not saying what was on my mind I felt so calm that the thoughts actually floated away and I closed my eyes and floated off with them. When I opened my eyes I was not sure how much time passed. It could have been a minute or an hour and I did not know and even better, I did not care. And then I saw it: an airplane in the sky. And as airplanes tend to do, this one absolutely fascinated me.

I found myself putting my hand up in the air and following the airplane with my finger as it crawled across the blue sky. I thought, wow, there are about 200 people floating above us right now in the air and to them it feels like they are not moving at all, and to us it looks like they are just about crawling, but in fact, they are moving through space at superhuman speed.

Watching the airplane that seemed to float in the air but that was actually flying, I realized the beauty of time flying by. And suddenly something changed. Rather than thinking about what I could do to hold on to this moment,  I just laid there and enjoyed the view of it passing me by. It was beautiful and it was real and it was a great reminder.

These moments in life that we want to hold on to are so precious.

Maybe you adjust your position sometime?

Maybe you play a song while you’re at it?

Maybe you share stories with a friend?

Hopefully you connect and go on a real journey to an unexpected destination.  

Just like a girl and boy who lie on the roof on a sunny afternoon watching planes and birds and sky, why not just slow down and enjoy the beauty that is time passing you by?

When I first entered “ The Portal” on the roof and looked up at the sky, I said to my friend jokingly, “ man, I wish I saw an airplane now. If you can make that happen, I’ll give you 20 bucks!”

And then one appeared.

And then I said it again. And another one appeared, but in the distance.

Then I looked at my buddy, who I started to think had special powers and I laughed. Did he have magic powers or was the universe just quenching my thirst??

My third wish was for another plane to appear, but this time, I wanted it to be right above us. And when that third plane flew overhead, we looked at each other and we laughed together.

 I’m not sure if it was magic, but at that moment we decided that we were in some kind of special portal, that when you enter and stay fully present, magic just happens…

Or is that just life?

Or is that just time passing you by?

Or is that just what happens when you lie on a roof in the sun and pass the time?

And then you let it all go …

The only thing better than sex, is not having sex.

Standing at this bus stop in the rain I could not help but wonder why I didn’t listen to myself. I knew that I had no desire to venture off into the world and go to a massive party. I knew this, yet I still went to the party because well, I did not want to disappoint my friends.

And what happened? Well, here I am standing in the rain 30 minutes after I stepped foot into the party. Now don’t get me wrong, there was absolutely nothing wrong with the party. In fact, this was one of the coolest San Francisco cribs I’ve seen in a while. There was one particular part of the house that really spoke to me. There was a huge turquoise wall with some very odd art right beside another wall, of which about 90% was covered by a gigantic and almost Renaissance era looking mirror. That was quite a sight to see for sure. In fact, I stood there for a while by that giant wall and just took it all in. Cool people, awesome house and great music. But see the thing is, I was not in the mood for a party and so none of it really mattered. So I left.

Deciding to save some money and take the bus rather than pay another $15 dollars for a cab, I found myself standing there in the rain and realizing that I was enjoying getting wet with my thoughts more than I enjoyed being at that party. The cancer in me was really present and all I wanted to do was crawl into my shell and spend some time with myself in my own home writing, learning guitar, and drawing…

 I was so lost in my thoughts that I ended up getting on the bus going in the wrong direction and well, at the end of it all I was farther away from home and ended up having to take a taxi. It was actually kind of hilarious and again, just reminded me of something I already know. 

Lesson? Don’t do things you don’t want to do. Simple as that. Every time I do something I do not really want to do, I find myself standing alone in the rain  (metaphorically and sometimes literally). Luckily, I happen to enjoy the rain but seriously, you get the point…

Listen to yourself and to your intuition and if you want to stay home in a robe, do not go to a party. 

So what about things you really want to do? That’s where things can get tricky.

When was the last time you really wanted to do something and didn’t do it? I do not remember the last time this happened because I typically do everything I want to do. In fact one of my core values is to always do what makes me happy. So what happens when you try to resist the urge and restrain yourself from pleasure?

I can’t believe I am saying this, but I’m starting to believe that restraint is exciting, maybe even sexy.

Let me share a short story to make my point.

Once upon a time I met a very handsome boy and we spent just one day together in Rome. It was a perfect day: there was sun and music and great food and laughter and driving fast in a little car sharing stories and dancing and more great food and wine and well, by the end of the day I was just so happy and excited and I thought wow, I really like this guy. Nothing romantic had actually happened between us all day and at the very end of the day I remember him looking at me and saying to me, “ the whole day is foreplay.”

And I just thought, wow. I loved that. I had never thought of it like that before and I realized that I found it extremely exciting and true.

Talking to a friend the other day, I said. “ You know what? The only thing better than sex is not having sex.” He looked at me and smiled, I looked at him and smiled and we just let this thought marinate.

The more you let things marinate, the better they taste. I think that with certain things in life, that principle absolutely applies.

 Naturally, I tend to go after the things I want and I am almost too aggressive at times. While a sense of urgency is something that I value in myself and in others, but I am starting to learn that sometimes, it’s really smart to realize that slow and steady wins the race.

What if holding out, waiting and taking things slowly is the way to turn a one-night stand into a constant state of foreplay? Excuse the sexual analogy, but I think it’s a perfect way to make my point.

Could a one-night stand be fun? Yes. What about a whole day, week, month or longer amount of foreplay? Sign me up. And I am not talking just about sex, I am talking about life!

Everyone is different and at the end of the day you have to listen to your heart and go with the flow, but I would suggest restraining yourself from doing certain things once in a while, just to see how it feels. Restrain yourself from doing that which you do not want to do and also that which you really want to do. It’s like a little game, and you make the rules, so proceed with caution and enjoy the ride.

Full Circle

Driving down an unfamiliar road, I was half dreaming as I passed by a little pink house with a sign that read “ Antiques”. At first, I drove right past the house and then, like someone who suddenly gets the punch line of a joke 5 seconds too late, I slammed my brakes and turned around.  Something clicked, and was literally pulling me to this house.

Sifting through the treasures at the Pink Poet Antique house, I picked up an old red leather bound book with a spine that was attached by a thread that resembled a spider’s web. Somehow, this tiny thread kept the whole book in tact and it made me think about the importance of not judging a book solely by its cover. I decided I needed to take this book home with me when aside from its intriguing exterior, I saw that it’s title was “ The secret of the world. Volume 5 of 13.”

Here’s how I see it: When you come across a tiny red leather old book with the secret of the world in it on a random Wednesday afternoon at a tiny little antique shop, you take it with you. And so I did. As I was walking towards the register, a locket caught my eye and I just had to know more about it. I asked the owner if she knew the story.

 She did not know much, but Coleen did tell me that this particular locket was from the 1940s, and this intrigued me. It was like love at first sight, and I do not know if it was the locket itself or the romance that comes with all of the stories that I simultaneously made up in my mind about the person who once wore it and lived and laughed and cried and maybe even danced in it. I thought of all the memories that this locket held in it and I felt like it deserved to experience new ones, so I decided to buy it.

Suddenly I was transfixed on the last 60 days of my life, when I turned a new chapter in the story of my life and it hit me: I had the first story that I wanted the locket to encapsulate.

It’s astounding how old treasures bring up a rainbow of feelings from deep within. I’m mesmerized as I touch my locket and realizations fly towards me like paint balls. I am the canvas and the picture that starts to form is beautiful and it’s in the shape of a full and colorful circle.

I realize then how things have come full circle in the most simple and magical way. I’m not sure how or why this happens, but it keeps happening over and over again so I’m starting to think that this must just be one of life’s beautiful mysteries and truths.

About two months ago I wrote a post called Happy Accidents. It was about the end of my relationship and the start of a new chapter. I was looking for a way to cope with my loneliness, sadness and ultimately, with change. I decided that an Improv class was a good idea and so on that day, I signed up for a class that was to start on the following day.

About two weeks ago I wrote a post-called Improvise about the lessons I have learned though my Improv class. And now, as I stood there on the porch of the Pink Poet Antique I started seeing things clearly and I just stood there and thought, WOW.

I started out as a very inspired but sad soul searching for happiness and looking for a way through the storm. Adele was my best friend along the way. I sang her songs and felt her pain and it helped me in unimaginable ways. As someone who aspires to perform and be a singer, I’m always singing, but her songs and especially her songs throughout the last few months had taken on a whole new meaning.

The more I sang, the stronger and healthier I felt. I sang and I started to run and listen to the music while I ran. Every day that I ran, I felt like I was on a beach accidently finding beautiful shells and putting them in the backpack of my life, so to speak. Beautiful things started to come to me and I started to feel lighter in every way.

After about a month, I started to wake up in the morning and I would not feel sad anymore. In fact, when I would sing Adele’s songs, and in particular, “Someone like you”, I became happy rather than sad. I even made a piece of art based on the song that now hands proudly on my wall and every time I see it, I feel strong and happy.

The combination of singing, Improv and running has really changed my life and I plan on doing all three for a very long time. About two weeks ago however, it was time for me to say goodbye to my Improv class. After 7 weeks together, it was time for my first ever Improv Show.

Initially I was a bit terrified, but on the day of the show, and specifically right before the show, I felt fantastic. I was ready! I was excited! I was going to pretend that there was no audience and just let go and trust my friends and have fun. The thing with Improv is that when you just let go, magic happens and that’s exactly what happened. After an already fantastic show, I could not have been any more proud of all my fellow improvisers, and as I got on stage for our last bit, I was on cloud 9.

Here I was on stage in front of a room filled with my best friends performing in an Improv show that to me was the equivalent of a climber summiting their first mountain. I remembered myself sitting at my computer 7 weeks ago searching for a way to challenge myself, to find happiness again and as the tears ran down my face smearing both my makeup and my already bruised ego, I never thought I’d end up here.

The last part of the show was a game of Freeze Tag. Everyone is on stage in a horse shoe shape and two people run to the center and star doing anything they want until someone screams “freeze”, at which point the improvisers freeze and the new person takes over by taking on the exact physical position of the last act, but their job is to start a brand new story.

At first I hesitated, and then I remembered the importance of running on stage when you have nothing planned and so I did. The next thing I know someone is screaming “freeze” looking right at me and saying, “Adele” and then I knew what had to be done.

See the thing is, the rule of Improv is  “yes, and…” so when someone calls you Adele, you are Adele and well, I guess you just sing…

So there I am on stage singing “Someone Like You” and well, all I can say is that if I could have written the story of my life I do not think I could have written it any better, made it any more meaningful, found a more surreal ending to the Improv show, or to this chapter of my life.  

For The Mad Ones

A few days ago I decided to get in my car and drive and think and sing and laugh and dream and photograph.  I proceeded to repeat this four days in a row and every day I thought new thoughts, sang new songs and well ok, I admit, I sang some old ones too. I sang some really good ones like Hotel California and Last Dance With Mary Jane and Mr. Tambourine Man. I laughed a bit and sometimes I cried as I dreamt up all sorts of adventures. I took a few photos too and boy did I learn something. I can’t quite yet describe what I learned. Surely, I’ll find a way to put it into words soon and till then, i’ll try to listen to Bob Dylan when he says, ” don’t think twice, it’s alright…” 

It was just me, the open road and Kerouac’s intoxicating prose. 

The following passage grips my entire being and I am as in love with this passage as a new mother is in love with her first born child.

How Kerouac manages to describe simple things, with simple words, yet in a completely new, rich and explosive way: it irks, intimidates and inspires me all at once.

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue center light pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

These words make me feel. They make me feel everything all at once and they make me want to surround myself with these kinds of people. People like me, who want to do everything at the same time and who some would certainly call mad. I call them my soul mates. 

I had a moment today when I really needed to talk with someone. I found myself in a sort of frenzy. Too many feelings all swirling around in my mind- a tornado for my soul and I could not handle it myself. I ran out of the house and got on the road and started driving. I scrolled through my phone looking for a name. I wanted someone to weather my storm, so to speak. There were not many people who I felt I could call, but there were a few. 

None of them picked up.

At first I felt lost and sad and frustrated too. And then I suddenly felt ok, and then good and then they crept in…

Contentment and happiness joined me and sat in my backseat and as I sped up, I realized something.

I realized how lucky I felt that there were a few people in my life that I knew I could call at a moment when I really needed to share a part of me and my experience. It was like I suddenly learned the meaning of love right there in my car on the road in New Jersey in only-God-knows-what town. The sheer knowledge that I have certain people who I know I can call upon in this world, whether they pick up the phone or not:  that is enough and it makes me happy.

Knowing that I have a few friends who in my mind, burn burn burn like fabulous Roman candles and who ignite the fire within me; knowing this helped me take my own advice, be my own best friend, and calm down. And so I dedicate this to the special ones, the lucky ones: to all the mad ones in my life who inspire me and help me in ways I have not found a way to fully describe. Until I can put my feelings into words, please accept the photo that goes with this post as a thank you for all your madness and all your love. 

IMPROVISE

What is life if not a game of Improv? You never really know what someone will throw at you, and really, it isn’t what happens to you as much as how you react to it. I keep figuring out that the rules I learn in Improv class, are pretty much the same rules that I have been learning in life. 

Here are a few of my favorites:

 1. “Yes, and…”

This is of course the cardinal rule of improv. And you know what? This ought to be a rule in life, at least in my book. I mean, think of what happens when you say yes and explore something…

Magic!

But, it’s not just about saying yes. I would argue that the “and” part is even more important. It’s one thing to be open to life and to say yes, but it’s a whole other ballgame when you actually become an active participant in your life, and CONTRIBUTE!

Aha! That’s the key. Making a contribution everyday is in my opinion a key to happiness and to success, both on and off stage. 

2. Anything is everything

I cannot even recall how many times the smallest little detail made an incredibly important impact in my life. As a big picture thinker, I do tend to think of the overall idea vs. the specific little tiny details, but as a photographer I am constantly noticing those small little details that make life so utterly beautiful. I still remember a moment years ago that was pretty insignificant in most ways, but that changed my life.  

It was a Sunday afternoon in NYC. A few friends were at a bar. We were laughing and chatting about life and nothing in particular when I noticed an old outlet by the table. Something about this dirty old outlet really spoke to me so I grabbed my camera and started to photograph it. My good friend Ken says to me ” only you Svet…how it is it that you find THAT interesting?!” 

“I find it interesting,” I said, “because everything is interesting and beautiful in it’s own way.” 

I had been taking photographs all of all sorts of random things for years and it was on this ordinary Sunday afternoon that my friend helped me re-affirm the importance of paying attention to everything. From then on, I decided to be even more attentive to completely random and “insignificant” things and moments that might be overlooked.

An old outlet at a dingy bar on a random Sunday afternoon has made me a much better photographer and I think that’s awesome. 

3. Make your partner feel like a rockstar

Ok, this one is key

In life, in relationships, in business and in improv: if you only care about yourself and how you look, everything falls apart. Nothing is worse than someone who is up on the stage trying to make themselves look funny, interesting of intriguing. What’s KEY is someone’s ability and desire to make their partner feel and look amazing.

I went dancing last week and had one of the best salsa dances of my life. As someone who has been dancing for years, I’ve had plenty of fun nights and a handful of incredible dances but last week it was like I had entered some kind of parallel universe. It was amazing. What was it?? I kept asking myself as I left the dance floor. After a few moments, I walked over to the lovely gentleman I had danced with and asked him, ” what is it that you do differently?” I could tell that he had an amazing hold and was a great dancer ( but so are many). What was it that he did? He looked at me and said, ” well, when I dance, I make it all about you. I want you to feel sexy and beautiful. ” Most men try to dance and show off their own skills rather than make their partner look and feel amazing.”

BINGO.

He made it all about me, and I felt amazing and all I wanted was to dance again. It’s funny how when you make it all about someone else, suddently all they want is more of you! Simple, yet very few actually practice this. 

4. Cut out the “editor”

Typically I have about a million ideas in my mind. The one exception to this is when I am on an Improv stage. “Where did all my ideas go ” I wondered a few weeks ago as I stood on stage and had nothing to say. Who knew that in order for me to clear my mind and meditate I’d have to take an Improv class?

But see, here’s the thing, I was not meditating. I had a million thoughts, but all of them seemed stupid. Every time I wanted to say something I would stop myself and convince myself that whatever it was I had to offer was just not good enough.

You know you have that voice inside your head that tells you to stop. The voice that tells you that you are silly, stupid…that extremely anoying editor that just won’t go away?

Well, send him/her packing because guess what? Sometimes you just have to run up on stage without anything in your mind and just go with whatever comes out. Every single time I have done this, magic happened. 

It’s the same in life. I moved to California with no plan, no job, no place to life. And here I am two years later and I cannot actually put into words how happy I am that I took that insane chance despite any editors that were telling me I was crazy.

None of us know what will actually happen once we jump on stage, but the only way to find out is to go for it, and let the story unfold naturally…

My first improv show is next Thursday and I’m stoked even though I have absolutely no idea what I am doing…

photo note: This is me in Greece a few years ago. I have no idea how I ended up there, but I know that this was such a happy and inspirational time that reminds me to keep getting lost, to find new experiences and to improvise along the way…